Whenever someone has a lock box on their front door, it usually means one of three things:
1) The family is moving. Likely they will be selling their house at a loss.
2) The house is in foreclosure and the bank has taken back procession of the house.
3) The couple has split up in divorce which will ultimately lead back to either #1 or #2.
A neighborhood of your peers is a lot like junior high and it doesn’t take long to find out which of these three reasons is the root cause of the change. Usually – it’s not good. But things do happen.
Out of these three reasons, I’d like to explore #3 further:
Taken for Granted:
When I see that lock box on the door and I know that another couple has bit the dust, it reminds me that maybe I shouldn’t be taking one the biggest investment I made in my life for granted – my marriage.
Why do we do this? Because it’s so easy to trivialize marriage as a commodity. Once we get married, it’s a done deal. Some couples put absolutely no effort into their marriage and they stay together until death. Others …. The lock box.
We Put Our Time Into Everything Else:
I would categorize people who read this blog as ones that take an active interest in their own personal finances. And as people who care, we spend a lot of time learning what to do with them, how to make our situation better, tweaking our plans, questioning our decisions, obsessing over our money….
And yet how many of us put the same effort into our relationships with our spouses? How many times do we plan the next special date night or weekend getaway for two with the same ambition and passion as our next mutual fund pick or stock purchase?
Maybe there are other things beside finances that distract us. Maybe instead of giving all my attention to a project at work, chores around the house, whatever is on TV, this blog, etc., I should use five of those minutes to hear what my wife has to say, ask her what she’s thinking about, how her day went, or massaging that tightened muscle in her back that is always strained from being Super Mom.
Those five minutes could prove to be one of the best investments I make all day, with a return-on-investment that is immeasurable!
Remember – From time to time, put forth a little effort. Don’t end up with a lock box on your door.
Readers: What’s your “lock box” or reminder to pay a little more attention to your spouse? Finances or not, what do you obsess over where you could probably divert a little more time back to your loved one instead?
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Dear Mr. MMD,
You are an amazing husband and father. We are so lucky to have you, and appreciate you and all of your hardwork!
Just remember how much you love me, appreciate my super powers, etc at the mall tomorrow 🙂
Love,
Mrs. MMD
Awwhh, thanks Beautiful! I’m glad to see you’re finally reading my blog!
I always “read” it….this is just one of the few I actually understand :).
I definitely struggle with this sometimes. I get so caught up in work, school, working out etc that I have a hard time refocusing myself toward my boyfriend. I’m not married, but it’s still a good reminder to show him that I appreciate him!
Definitely! Sometimes we just get too side-tracked by everything we’ve got going on.
Awwww…how cute. 🙂
Had to poke a little fun. That is cute though – seriously.
This is always something I struggle with. I believe it’s EXTREMELY hard to be motivated and want to pursue career/financial success WHILE properly living a balanced life (wife, friends, family, etc.).
My wife and I mark weekends out on our calendar where it’s just time for us together. Whenever I get home at night I do my best to not get on my computer, watch TV, or play with my phone – my attention is solely focused on her and our time together.
We often struggle with going out on dates but it’s something we’re consistently aware of and work on. It’s not always the big things that you do, the small things count as well!
It’s amazing what a small surprise does.
It’s good that you two have a routine like that already. We’re also struggling to make time for date nights, but only because finding an available babysitter is rare. I agree on the small surprises! A little bit goes a long ways!
You make a good point here. It seems we always take for granted those things which are closest to us. Only when problems begin to arise do we really take a step back and see what has become of our relationship. Sometimes it is too late at that point, so we really need to make a constant effort.
By the time the lockbox is on your door, it’s probably too late. I’d like to think of this as a reminder to appreciate what you have in the present.
My “lock box” is a photo of my wife and I on our wedding day. It’s our first dance, and I’m saying something to her that I don’t remember, but her smiling face is a reminder of how much I mean to her. When I’m tempted to spend more time doing things around the house or on the computer than I should, I think back to that picture and what I need to do to keep her smiling.
That’s quite a reminder! You are very lucky to have something like that to help you remember what is important!
Back when I was a practicing advisor and was away a ton, my “success coach” helped me plan time with my spouse. It was important to remember to thank her for little things and to drop the phone and office for a nice walk or dinner out.
Your wife’s comment above makes the piece, btw. Looks like you’re paying for this tomorrow. 😉
I’m with you where I especially have to remember this lesson after a long time away on business. Off goes the phone and the computer.
Thanks for complimenting my wife’s comment. She does like to put me to the test 🙂
I admit I probably took my last long term girlfriend for granted and didn’t put enough effort into the relationship. You just naturally get used to her being there all the time and you may not realize that you might not be addressing her needs. Thinking back I do wish I had done things differently.
It’s just so easy to forget that this person we’re always around might not be there the next day. But even though it’s unfortunate, what’s done is done. There’s nothing we can do except recognize what we should do for next time.
This is one area of our lives that my husband and I don’t struggle with.
With have so much in common and spend a ton of time together everyday. We love going to the same places and doing the same things, and each year it just gets better and better.
I’ve heard many people say that marriage is a lot of work. I can see how it can be for some, but for others it is just easy.
Love your wife’s comment by the way! 🙂
Sounds like you two have a great arrangement! I think the effort is sometimes more about perception than anything. Thanks for the compliment on my wife’s comment – she’s pretty funny!
My soon-to-be-wife doesn’t even read my blog 😀
I have to agree though that marriage is the biggest investment of all. No matter what happens financially, in a good marriage, your partner will always be there to support you and vice-versa. That’s something with a value that can’t be measured. I mean, sure everyone loves their investments, but when push comes to shove, do your investments love you back?
No, your investments don’t love you back! 🙂 You can do a lot with money, but by itself it is cold! You’re right that there is no measurement to a spouse that supports you through thick and thin. Investing in something like that is just as important as anything else!
Well said. I love your wife’s comment as well 🙂
Thanks! I think she’s serious about this mall thing tomorrow …
I will admit that this is something I struggle with at times. I get busy with work and school and tend to focus all of my attention towards our kids. Good reminder to show my husband more appreciation.
Kids can be such a touchy issue on this topic. I have two of them myself, so I can identify. They need SO MUCH from you. My wife and I don’t go on nearly as many “date nights” as use to. But the signs of affection, no matter how trite they might be, do count for something and tell me that we’re in it together.
I was one of those people who was naive and thought once you got married it was a done deal. Signed, sealed, delivered. I was 22 and young, basically I had no idea about how marriage really worked. Now I’ve learned a ton, and I definitely agree that marriage is the most important investment of them all. Thanks for reminding us all to keep life and money into perspective.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard about marriage is that “It’s easy to get married, but really hard to stay that way”. I didn’t understand what that meant until several years into my relationship, but now I realize that this statement is entirely correct.
Oh yes it is. You have to work at it to keep it going. Communication is very important. You should be able to talk to your spouse about any and every thing.
Very true! I think some of the best dates or best times I’ve had with my wife is when we have honest and real communication.
The second you stop talking to each other, a wall goes up. And you don’t want to know what terrible things are happening on the other side of each other’s wall.