I realize that this is a pretty small amount of time in the grand scheme of things (my parents are approaching their 40 year wedding anniversary), but I am quite proud of what we’ve been through and accomplished.
So in light of that, I’d like to reflect on a few thoughts:
10 Year Wedding Anniversary Thoughts:
1. If you’re waiting for some sign to get married to someone you are truly in love with, stop waiting and just do it already. You’ll never be ready enough, rich enough, far enough in your career, skinner enough, whatever enough …. If you can’t imagine your life without that person, you know its long term, and your relationship is strong and committed, then you’re ready.
2. It’s easy to get married, but really hard to stay married. Being married is really, really hard work. I am very happy for all the people who claim they never fight or never put any effort into their relationships. Good for you – but this is not always the case for everyone. Marriage (and especially when you have kids) really tests how far you’re willing to go and what you’re ready to give up in terms of selflessness. This by no means a deterrent, but a fact that you should embrace before taking the plunge.
3. Never, ever stop being the person your spouse fell in love with. That means being funny, interesting, entertaining, passionate, full of surprises, sexy, romantic, etc. It’s way too easy to get comfortable and not try to impress each other the way you used to.
4. A lack of respect will kill things very quickly. Don’t fall victim to the “my good for nothing husband / wife” routine where one treats the other like an idiot or little kid.
5. Always, always communicate. If you don’t like something or are uncomfortable, then tell each other. No amount of time will allow you read each others’ mind. Childish games and keeping it to yourself will never work.
6. And on that note, always be ready to give your spouse your full attention. You haven’t seen each other all day long. Maybe you don’t care what she has to say. It doesn’t matter. Whatever is on TV or on the computer in front of you is not as important as the impact it will have on your relationship or what the other one thinks about you. Also, be ready to listen and not just talk.
7. As I mentioned earlier, raising children and developing them into young adults will be one of the biggest jobs of your life. Your spouse is your partner, and the better you two work together, the more your children will thank you for it later.
8. It’s okay to have space. There are many times my wife goes and plays Facebook for an hour or so – and that’s her way of taking a break from everything she’s got going on. I do the same in my own way. You don’t have to spend every minute together. Sometimes the absence helps to remind you what you’re missing.
9. Money will amplify everything. If you fight, money will only make it worse. If you’re happy together, money will also help to do more things together that the two of you will cherish. But in no way does money ever solve the problem. It always starts with who the two of you are, and what you’re willing to do for your relationship. Once that is solid anything is possible.
Happy 10 Year Wedding Anniversary Sweetheart!
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Photo Credit: Microsoft Clip Art
Congrats on the 10 year anniversary you 2! I think your first two tips kind of contradict each other. I don’t think you should jump into a marriage just because you love the person and things are going fine. I think that’s the very reason that so many marriages fail. You really need to make sure that you’re right for each other. In my last long term relationship I was waiting hoping things would improve between us, but I could just never see us working out long term. I’m glad I didn’t just go ahead and propose when things were going well.
Thanks Jason! Points 1 and 2 cross a very fine line. To Point 1 – I (like most guys) was deathly afraid of getting married even though I was in a long and great relationship. I put it off and off until one day a light went on and I realized “What am I waiting for? Everything if fine! Things would never be better with anyone else. This is who I want to be with for the long term.”
It is unfortunate that things didn’t work out for you on your last relationship. As you said – since you couldn’t see it working out long-term, then to Point 1, you are absolutely right that you weren’t ready and shouldn’t have just jumped in.
When you are ready and things are going GREAT, I think many people are waiting for that “sign” that never comes. But deep down they know that this is the person they want to be with forever.
My belief is that more marriages fail on account of Point 2. Even if you’re with your true soul mate, you’re going to drive each other crazy sometimes. And depending on your maturity, character, and true love for each other (if you really were meant to be together long term), the outcome can vary on how you handle the situation.
I have seen many marriages of people I know fail for so many reasons – complacency, stress, money, kids, immaturity, infidelity, and list goes on and on. To Point 2, your relationship will be tested on many different levels! I think a lot of people get into this thinking it’s going to be easy and they are unprepared for what life throws at them.
But how you react to these challenges as a team and the foundation of your love will determine whether or not you make it to the next anniversary.
Happy Anniversary!
My wife and I are only approaching our 3rd, so I’d also be pretty stoked when we make it to 10.
I think all of your points are dead-on though. I think marriage is much harder than most kids realize when they commit to it. The divorce rate in this country is unbelievable, so you should be proud you’ve made it as long as you have!
Great list! This year will be 5 years for us, and it’s been an incredible journey. You really have to work at a marriage to make it work, but it’s a great return on investment.
Happy 10th anniversary, and congratulations! It will be my 4th anniversary very soon, although we have been together for over 8 years. You’re right, no one is perfect, and you do have to work at a marriage if you want it to be good and to last. We went through a rough patch recently, but made some changes, and now things are better than ever!
Dear Mr. MMD,
Happy 10 years!!! We did it! We are truly a perfect match…I make you more fun, and you make me more grounded even when I don’t want to be! We are so blessed to have the fortuante lives we have, and I wouldn’t change it for the world (well, most days!). Thanks for an amazing life! I can’t wait to spend 100 more years with you!
First, happy 10-year anniversary! That’s a wonderful achievement and milestone and you both should be very proud of yourselves.
I appreciate your view that money amplifies any situation. Most people say it automatically makes things better, or it makes them worse. Neither is the case – it takes what you have and amplifies it. You must have a strong, unbreakable relationship that underlies everything else. As long as you have that as a couple, the presence or absence of money is merely an aside.
Happy Anniversary!! Wishing you all the best and many more years.
I’m such a dork, but this post made me tear up a bit. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year this summer as well and a lot of your tips are truly golden. I think people have problems in their marriages when they start to think they should only have to give 50%. Marriage is definitely easier to get into than to stay in! Even when you’re perfect for each other, it takes work every day 🙂 Happy Anniversary!! Wishing you many more happy years together!!
Congrats! I know that you are a model husband. Last December, it was our 25th year together — silver medal! Keep going.. it’s a fun journey..
Aww congrats! I can’t wait til me and my fiance can celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. And great tips, I agree with all of them especially how important communication is!
I like the last part you wrote about money. Household finances can either make things worse, like slowly going broke, or make things better, like paying off the mortgage together. Happy anniversary to you and the Mrs. I look forward to being in your situation some day (^_^)
Congratulation on your 10th anniversary! Our 10th is a few months away and I agree with all of your points!
P.S. One of the studies found that 80% of couple fights are based on money issues. Please keep your family finances in order if you want to be happy in your marriage.
Thank you very much! And I guess congratulations are in order for your big date coming up! On the fighting statistic, I would say that being more organized and having our expectations for money laid out certainly has helped to keep things as smooth as they can be.