There is certainly no shortage of examples of people trying to act more rich than they really are. Dr Thomas J. Stanley wrote a whole book about it called Stop Acting Rich: …And Start Living Like A Real Millionaire
(which was a great read by the way …). But that is not what this post is about – in fact it’s the inverse. What about when you’re just being yourself (tried and true), and everyone accuses you of being something you’re not?
What Does It Mean to Flaunt It?
The dictionary defines flaunt as “to exhibit ostentatiously or shamelessly”. While that may sound like a pretty cut and dry definition, you must first remember that most human perspective is not all the same. So if someone accuses you of flaunting, it’s simply a matter of perception and relativity: A pretty girl, the smartest kid in class, being rich, etc.
In particular on that last example, what indicators of wealth could someone be accused of flaunting it? There are the obvious traits like wearing high quality clothes, expensive jewelry, and having flashy accessories. But what about the way you talk, your intelligence, experiences, your job, accomplishments, political views, attitude, or the way you treat other people? Display any of these characteristics “shamelessly” in the presence of someone less fortunate could incriminate you as a snob! But what did you really do wrong?
We All Have Something to Prove:
Each of us looks the way we look because we do have something to prove to the world. Even if you claim you have nothing to prove, then you’re still announcing to the world that you reject their views – which in itself is still proving something.
At some point in our natural adult lives, we stop trying to look rich or wear things to impress other people. Instead, we evolve to start doing the things that we are comfortable with. But that level of comfort will be different for each of us. When the chips fall where they may, some of us may dress better, look more physically fit, and have much larger resumes of accomplishments than others. And if you worked hard to get to where you are, is that really so unfair?
Should that beautiful girl try to make herself look any less attractive? Should the smartest kid in the class try to dumb down what he knows? Should someone with money try to act any less wealthy?
To all the other personal finance bloggers – How many of you have intentionally not talked certain purchases or hid matters about income for fear of backlash from your peers?
It’s no surprise if you do. Who wants to deal with more drama than they need? For someone who’s not trying to prove anything, you probably seek to spare the feelings of others. Ironically, while there will always be the naysayers who say you flaunt it to hurt others, you may actually be holding back as a result of trying not to hurt the feelings of others.
No Apologies:
No matter what people think, you can’t always please everyone. Nor should you have to. If you’ve built up an impressive resume of wealth and accomplishments, then I say there should be no apologies for letting your trophies shine. Be confident in the person you’ve become as long as you know that your intentions are good and you won’t hurt others. And forget about those who bring you down. Don’t let the accusation that you flaunt it deter you from doing what you do best.
Related Posts:
1) Overcoming Envy – Why Do We Hate Other People’s Success?
2) Goal Setting When You Realize That All You Have Is Now
3) To Be Young Entrepreneurs or Employees? My Kids Try Entrepreneurism
Image Credit: Unknown
If you are comfortable with what you have, there is no reason to hide it. The smart kid and the beautiful woman would be wrong to hide their assets, they would lose in confidence and not perform to their best. The thing is many people have taken a safe approach to life, wouldn’t change jobs or get a new education for a better future, and then get jealous if you do and outperform them. Like you say flaunting is relative and unless you do it Hollywood style, you should be proud of where you are.
Pauline, that is absolutely the point I was trying to make! If you are proud of who you are, you should not be afraid to show the world! Don’t hide what you’ve got!
the need to look like we are wealthy, is widespread. It is the reason that you often see folks paying with food stamps, who own an expensive phone or the reason why I know people who drive a Mercedes, even though they make a modest salary.
this isn’t keeping up with the joneses.. it is keeping up with somebody who you can’t possibly keep up with. and yeah, i really don’t think you get much out of it, in reality.
Jefferson, you should really read that “Stop Acting Rich” book. The whole book is full of not just examples like that, but actually data from surveys and case studies. Its amazing how little read millionaires actually spend, and how MUCH people who can’t afford things spend on stuff to try to keep up with people they could never possibly compete with.
I wholeheartedly agree that you can never please everyone. That is huge to remember, especially as a blogger, but really for anyone in particular. You have to live life for yourself (and family if you have one) and not be worried about what others might think.
I’ve almost completely given up on trying to impress anyone other than my family. Ironically, I feel like it has resulted in impressing more people than when I was trying!
I’ve been on the opposite side of this because I don’t have much to flaunt in the money dept. I don’t have a house, a nice car, nice clothes, or get to travel a lot…something a lot of my friends do have right now. It’s hard to hear them talk about their extensive travels abroad, but I know that’s my problem, not theirs. I need to learn how to be happy for them and know in time that can be me.
I do think there is room for sensitivity though. Let’s just say that I was just having a conversation about how looking for jobs has been tough and I really miss traveling and I just had to dump my emergency fund into my car, then a friend started talking about all the great things in their life and how their car is awesome, etc., then I think that is rude and flaunting it.
It’s a balance…
I TOTALLY agree with being sensitive. There’s no need to be rude to others and shove it in their face (the “flaunt it” expression is kind of being used loosely in this post). I will never agree with purposely hurting the feelings of others.
It’s funny you cite all those things as being on the opposite side of things. Usually when I read your blog and hear about going to the beach, taking yoga classes, making cool videos, etc, I’m somewhat envious of your lifestyle. Meanwhile I have a ton assignments to get done, my cell phone won’t stop ringing with problems, employees are coming to me with trouble they need me to solve, and I’m going to be late for my next meeting. 🙂
I try to avoid flaunting anything. I have had some bigger accomplishments that few people know about. I will use then when they are needed to get me ahead or where I want to be but I don’t go around announcing them to the whole world.
Why hold back, Buddy? Sure you don’t need to brag. But at the same time there’s no need to downplay how awesome you are.
It’s definitely impossible to please everybody out there. I can’t say that I knowingly hide any purchases or income from people though. Although, I generally avoid the topic as many people I know struggle with money and being on 100% income myself, you never know when the next paycheck is coming. 🙂
Jason, you do a pretty good job of celebrating your accomplishments and improvements! Keep those income reports, blog statistics, and net worth changes coming.
People I see on a daily basis flaunt it like they live it. Our IT guy drives a brand new Landrover and I’m quite certain he doesn’t have the income. My neighbors drive 2 door convertible (brand new)mercedes and I know for a fact most of them inherited their wealth and most don’t even have a job. Heck, I can’t go outside for a jog without seeing 3 super skinny girls dressed in a fancy jogging outfit (probably a brand name one, because they do look nice)for what… to sweat in? C’mon… OC is so ridiculous in this department.
LOL. That’s not the kind of flaunting I was talking about; I was speaking more about being proud of what you’ve accomplished. The type of people you’re describing drive me crazy, and I know plenty of them! Those are the “live beyond their means people”. I’ll never understand the people wearing exercise clothes that cost more than my normal clothes – do you plan on sweating in that?
I guess I’m just not into that stuff enough to care. If you need to flaunt it, I actually feel a little bad for you (no clue why…those people don’t want or need my pity). Really, though, I just flaunt my hot butt. If you saw me, you’d probably know just how horrible that last line was… I crack myself up….
There you go Joe! Shake what mama gave you! 🙂
I’ve got Stop Acting Rich on my reading list. I really enjoyed his previous books.
You’re going to like it! That was possibly one of the better and more interesting reads in my library. I love how he backed up everything with statistics from all those surveys he sent out. It was quite an eye-opening study.
Great article, MMD! Politics is one of those subjects that we don’t gather courage to express our opinion about. We fear backlash from those who don’t align with our viewpoints.
Religion is next that most outspoken people don’t dare to visit.
It takes a genius such as Mark Twain to clearly articulate these kind of subjects without causing outlandish criticism from others.
Thanks Shilpan! I was a little afraid that readers might miss the point that this is a post about self-confidence rather than the obvious poke at trying to pretend you’re something you’re not really. So far so good!
I try to be Switzerland and remain neutral. During the course of a week, I work in Telluride and often see some very wealthy people to the government clinic where most are very poor in a monetary sense. I’ve never been one to flaunt much, but prefer my actions to speak for me. One thing that I notice about very wealthy people who are not celebrities is that you’d never know it if you saw them on the street in most cases.
I believe that! It’s not that uncommon to hear about factory or construction workers who saved their income their whole lives and became millionaires. Yet to look at them you’d never guess!
I definitely don’t flaunt any money that I have. I would rather seem poor and on a budget. That way friends and family don’t try to get me to waste my money like they do.
Do you never wear nice clothes, talk about your nice vacations, or talk about your accomplishments? That’s not a knock against you; that’s just what my post was about. For example, I do all three of those things with no ill-will or intentions of making other people feel bad. Yet there would still be those people that would accuse me of flaunting it. But am I really?
I totally haven’t blogged about when the boy and I got smart phones! We got a great deal…on our plans, too. But it was a slight budget increase. You’ve got me: I don’t want to look like a hypocrite. Although in all reality, if I buy one thing that is a “luxury,” does that make all my other ridiculous displays of thriftiness null and void?
I’ve had people say that to me about the way I talk or education level before. Now my accent is becoming more regional…I’d really prefer to change it. But once people get to know me they generally realize I’m a.) not rich. and b.) not a snobby *itch.
There you go! See, you guys were probably able to afford those smart phones no problem. And on top of that, you probably saved up and even deserved them! But you hold back because you just don’t want to deal with the flack and judgement that other people will place on you for “flaunting it”. I do believe that educational level comes across big in this area. For just speaking intelligently and with confidence, you’ll have people call you a snob or *itch. But are you really? Did you really do anything wrong?
so timely with the B.I.G. reference! 🙂
LOL- I’m missing something – what is timely? It’s not the anniversary of his death is it?
I appreciate the point of your article, to be proud of what you have accomplished and to display self confidence.
My philosophy, however, is to try to keep a lower profile.
I agree with Kim’s Switzerland comment.
To each his own Terry. Although I’d say a guy with two eBooks under his belt has quite a bit to flaunt! 🙂
Hmm I’m not really much of a flaunter. I think if you’ve got wealth, it’s best to be humble about it. Flaunting your curves though is a whole different ball game (you go curvy girl, is you got it flaunt it! lol)
Curvy girls need make no apology – flaunt on! 🙂
I know what my assets are. I’m pretty, intelligent, and quirky. And I don’t try to downplay it, unless I have some hidden agenda for doing so. Some have called me crazy, weird, anti-social and, yes, I have been called a snob a few times too many. But it’s who I am and what make me stand out. And anyway, I have more people who like me for me.
Well done. People may call you all those things, but you know who you are and who you want the world to think you are. All that matters are those people you really care about, what they think, and mostly what you think.
Great read and love the topic, man don’t flaunt what they have. But I believe this happens because they are not aware or insecure about what they have.